hope

my main reason for this blog may be self therapy. but i hope it becomes more. i hope i can reach out to others that struggle with challenges similar to mine. maybe we can build each other up. maybe we can strengthen each others confidence. maybe we can create happiness. maybe we can build hope.

i am divorced from an abusive husband. people ask me what kind and i am not afraid to talk about it - physical, emotional, and verbal. i consider myself incredibly lucky to have had the strength to do what was best for me and leave.

i got a divorce, built my self esteem back up, discovered my dreams and made goals, traveled through europe, and met someone incredible. i married that someone incredible and we are expecting our first baby in about 3 months. but something went wrong. the man i married is sick. so half of the time, sometimes more, he is not the man i married.

it is a sickness that has followed him for years but for some reason didn't fully surface until now. doctors have called him bipolar. therapists call him severely insecure. everyone can see his deep depression, though only few have seen his suicidal tendencies.

what this blog comes down to is how i learn to deal with his episodes, how i learn to show love and strengthen him through this trial, and how we can build our relationship back up to what it should be. an eternal marriage. all the while i am being torn apart, belittled, emotionally and verbally abused. i cannot see the future, i don't know my own strengths but i know i can try. and while "he" threatens to leave me on a daily basis, i will not give up.

i say "he" because it is not my husband that threatens me. it is his sickness. and when his episode is over he'd never leave the wife that has done so much for him. because i know he appreciates me. i know he loves me. and i know i can help "him" get better.

everything i post will be anonymous. i will never use real names. for blogging purposes i will call myself nadia because it means "hope". that is what i wish to offer everyone who is suffering or in pain because of someone they love. hope. "a feeling of expectation and a desire for a certain thing to happen".  i will focus on the later, desiring a change to make my marriage happier. to make my life more meaningful. to create a good home for my baby boy to grow up strong and confident. to make this world a little bit better for us who live in it.

i hope with time you will be comfortable sharing your story with me. i would love to post it here. and always feel free to comment. together we can create a chain of hope for ourselves. we can build each other up. together we can be something extraordinary.

whenwedoallwecan(at)gmail.com